“Why Is Divorce So Costly? It is an emotional journey. It is either the final burial of a marriage long dead or the dismantling of a home already weakened by unresolved conflicts.”
Divorce is not cheap.
Yes. Read that again.
To put this into perspective, consider three of the most expensive divorces in recent history:
In 2019, Jeff Bezos and MacKenzie Scott finalised what became the largest divorce settlement in history. MacKenzie Scott received a four-per cent stake in Amazon, valued at approximately $38 billion, instantly making her one of the wealthiest women in the world.
Earlier, in 1999, Alec and Jocelyn Wildenstein ended their marriage in a settlement worth $3.8 billion. Jocelyn Wildenstein reportedly received $2.5 billion upfront, along with $100 million annually for 13 years, a staggering figure at the time.
More recently, Melinda Gates’ divorce from Bill Gates reportedly resulted in a settlement of about $12.5 billion, paid through a mix of stocks, real estate, and valuable assets. It remains one of the largest divorce payouts ever recorded.
These figures appear shocking largely because of the wealth and status of the parties involved. However, even when divorce settlements are nowhere near these amounts, the toll they take financially, emotionally, socially, and physically can be just as monumental for parties involved.
Contrary to how casually divorce is discussed on social media or portrayed as easy in films, the decision by a husband or wife to file a petition for a decree of dissolution of marriage is grave and far from simple or painless. Divorce takes its toll on everything, and everyone connected to that marriage.
Beyond the obvious financial stress, divorce is capable of straining, fracturing, or permanently severing relationships. It also carries serious health implications. Numerous studies and lived experiences link long, bitter divorces to stress-related illnesses, mental health challenges, and in extreme cases, even death.
This makes it important to speak honestly about divorce, especially in an era where social media is saturated with news of marital conflicts, separations, and breakups often stripped of context or consequence.
What Divorce Is Not
A separation is not a divorce.
Abandonment or desertion by a spouse is not a divorce, though they may be valid legal grounds for seeking one.
The law allows parties to apply for judicial separation, which may resemble divorce in practice. However, without a formal court pronouncement dissolving a marriage, a couple remains legally married, even if they have lived apart for years. These distinctions are critical and often misunderstood.
In customary marriages, divorce procedures typically involve customary courts. Among the Yoruba, this process is referred to as “ja iwe”, literally, “obtaining a paper” (a document confirming that both parties have agreed to part ways). Central to this process is the return of the bride price, along with the knowledge or presence of witnesses who attended the marriage ceremony.
In statutory marriages (commonly called court marriages), divorce is far more technical and complex than it appears.
Why Is Divorce So Costly?
Divorce is an emotional journey.
It is either the final burial of a marriage long dead or the dismantling of a home already weakened by unresolved conflicts. Even where both parties agree to part ways, often described as an “amicable” settlement, the process is rarely smooth or painless.
Marriage is not just a union of two people. It is a merging of lives: children, extended families, finances, property, friendships, health, careers, social capital, and networks. Untangling these shared realities is a long walk toward freedom, and it comes at a price.
No one should be forced to remain in a marriage that threatens their health, mental stability, or life.
In such cases, separation or divorce may be inevitable. That is why reconciliation and mediation are often encouraged first to determine whether the union can be salvaged.
Where one party must flee a marriage due to persistent threats or danger, time may be required for healing, recovery, and financial stability before pursuing divorce to legally conclude the separation.
Does It End There?
Not quite.
Divorce rarely ends with a court judgment alone.
Next week, I will examine the associated factors that make divorce so expensive, beyond legal fees and settlements.
